fake it til you make it

So you went wine tasting, and your host used a bunch of lingo that you weren’t familiar with—like "terroir," "tannin," and "oak." So you did what any sane person would do…sip, smile, and nod. After all, who needs to actually know what "malolactic fermentation" is when you can just pretend to taste it, right?

Trying to learn more about wine can feel intimidating, like it’s only for people “in the know,” turning it into a competition of who can drop the most industry buzzwords.

But here’s the thing: wine is meant to be enjoyed, not overanalyzed. P.S. If you’re a woman, well, let’s just say you probably know how to fake it when the situation calls for it.

So I say, fake it ‘til you make it. Drop as many buzzwords as your little heart desires, and make the people around you think you’re an insufferable wine snob.

Wine Buzzword Glossary

• Fruit-forward - Safeword for everything. It’s grape juice, it is literally fruit…. Doesn’t matter if it is red, white, or rosé. Try “stone fruit”, “tropical fruits”, or “dark berries” if you’re feeling extra wild.

• Earthy - Does your wine taste like dirt? It’s giving, this tastes like soil but in an appealing way.

• Minerality - A sophisticated way to say “this taste like wet rocks”, “rain on the pavement”, “sea breeze”, maybe a little chalkiness.

• Oaky - Cozy, rich flavors of vanilla, toasted nuts, and spice. The PSL terms of wine if you will. Kind of like gnawing on a 2x4 but classier. 

• Tannic - This is a liquid, why is it making my mouth drier than the Sahara Desert? Those are tannins, my friend. Same dry mouth vibes as eating 8 saltines with no water in between. Bonus points if you use the term “chewy” to describe a wine with significant tannins.

• Crisp - Acid, acid, and more acid. Think refreshing, vibrant, or zesty, like citrus fruits or green apples. 

• Complex - It is a get-out-of-jail-free card. An uno reverse if you will. It means “I have no clue how else to describe this”. It is soooo multi-layered, it's complex. 

• Balanced - The swiss army knife of wine terms. The acidity, sweetness, tannins, and alcohol sort of blend together. No element overpowers the other. 

There you go, friends. Cosplay a refined sophisticated palate and fake it until you make it. Believe me when I say, most people have not figured it out yet—we just want to look like we know what we're talking about in front of our friends. Remember that the fun of wine is in its diversity and the joy it brings, not just in its jargon.